Often when I am meeting with couples, at some point, the Groom-to-be smiles lovingly at the Bride-to-be and says something like: “whatever you want, honey; it’s your wedding, really.” She smiles back, and is either quiet or asserts- “but I want to know what you want, too.”
I have learned over time to urge the Groom a little—to affirm the Bride’s wishes. Yes, she might have more preferences for colors and styles, etc., (and sometimes, not!)—but, especially when its comes to the ceremony—she wants not only to know her partner’s preferences–she wants to know that you are in this together and that what you say and what symbols are used, and who is included, matter to you. Your participation in the planning process with her, on some level, reassures her that getting married to her is important to you.
Not because women need reassurance and men don’t, or anything like that. Think of it like a U tube in chemistry. If your level of involvement and enthusiam is minimal, she has to put more into it to get the volume in the U tube leveled out. If you are equally involved you can both stress less and enjoy the process!
I also have the experience, of course, of Groom’s who “get” the creative possibilities of ceremony planning and run with it—with the Bride lagging a little behind ,still looking at name cards or something else for the reception and saying, “the ceremony? The officiant takes care of that, right?”
So- as you plan and prepare, keep noticing “whose wedding is it?” and share with each other: what kind of participation by the other is most satisfying for you and represents the ways you want to make all your decisions and choices together in life? Enjoy and be well!