Woke up this morning feeling impending panic about the holiday season ahead. Took some meditation time to center and focus and came to my computer with much more serenity. Received the Chopra Center newsletter for December with a wonderful summary of de-stressing actions. So– here’s the link. Seems to me these same suggestions can really help with wedding preparation stress, too! Ahhhh–welcome peaceful and enjoyable holiday time–peaceful and enjoyable wedding planning. What a gift for ourselves, each other, and our world! http://www.chopra.com/agni/dec09/tips
De-stress the Holiday; de-stress the wedding preparations
December 3rd, 2009Are you looking for an officiant or a ceremony?
December 2nd, 2009Among the many choices you make about your wedding, there are only a few that are necessary. You NEED to have a place to get married, an officiant to make it legal, and your statements of intention/vows to each other. Everything else is a WANT. When dealing with finding an officiant, there is another distinction to look at: do you want an officiant or an officiant and a ceremony?
Some couples are looking for the “legal person” ( a minister or a judge) to be present at a certain time, lead them into saying “I do”, pronounce them “man and wife” and let them kiss and get on with the party. This is especially effective if you’re free-falling in a sky dive and the officiant is mouthing the necessary words to have you marry before the chutes open!
Of course, if you are marrying in a particular religious tradition, the ceremony is dictated by the customs and ritual books of that religion.
There is also the option, though, of choosing an officiant AND a ceremony. In this case, you are looking for someone who has the credentials to be a legal officiant and the skills and creativity to create a ceremony with you. As a Certified Celebrant (www.celebrantusa.com) this is my background, my expertise—and my passion! I accompany couples on a pleasant, and affirming process of creating a ceremony reflecting who they are, how they have come to love each other, why they want to spend their lives together, their hopes and dreams. I invite them to be conscious and choiceful about the words that are said, the symbols used, the tone, music, and movement that are part of THEIR ceremony.
Whether you talk with me or not, as you make this choice for your wedding day, I hope it will be clearer to you now : are you looking for an officiant—or are you looking for both an officiant and a ceremony?
An earth-conscious wedding
April 6th, 2009Kay Harrison of the Green Bride Guide has recently written about her website, www.thegreenbrideguide.com:
Weddings in this country are a $70 billion dollar industry, and a lot of that money is spent on one-time-use disposable items.
The goal of the site is to show couples and their guests that there are hundreds of ways to decrease the impact of an event and
save money at the same time – without sacrificing style. In fact, I have found that across the board, couples can save up to 40
percent off the cost of their weddings by going green!”
Check it out! There are real wedding stories, resources, a link to The Green Bride Guide book, and much, much more.
What is a celebrant?
April 2nd, 2009The celebrant foundation, where I received my training, has a new video clip on Youtube which I invite you to view.
Celebrants create ceremonies for all kinds of events, not just weddings. Your celebrant wedding will carry the spirit of seeing all of life as worthy of celebration! Check it out, if you’d like:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyLaEYrhj0A
Whose wedding is it?
March 29th, 2009Often when I am meeting with couples, at some point, the Groom-to-be smiles lovingly at the Bride-to-be and says something like: “whatever you want, honey; it’s your wedding, really.” She smiles back, and is either quiet or asserts- “but I want to know what you want, too.”
I have learned over time to urge the Groom a little—to affirm the Bride’s wishes. Yes, she might have more preferences for colors and styles, etc., (and sometimes, not!)—but, especially when its comes to the ceremony—she wants not only to know her partner’s preferences–she wants to know that you are in this together and that what you say and what symbols are used, and who is included, matter to you. Your participation in the planning process with her, on some level, reassures her that getting married to her is important to you.
Not because women need reassurance and men don’t, or anything like that. Think of it like a U tube in chemistry. If your level of involvement and enthusiam is minimal, she has to put more into it to get the volume in the U tube leveled out. If you are equally involved you can both stress less and enjoy the process!
I also have the experience, of course, of Groom’s who “get” the creative possibilities of ceremony planning and run with it—with the Bride lagging a little behind ,still looking at name cards or something else for the reception and saying, “the ceremony? The officiant takes care of that, right?”
So- as you plan and prepare, keep noticing “whose wedding is it?” and share with each other: what kind of participation by the other is most satisfying for you and represents the ways you want to make all your decisions and choices together in life? Enjoy and be well!
March 25th, 2009
A perspective to consider as you plan your wedding:
“The act of getting married is a kind of dress rehearsal for a shared life….Weddings symbolically condense and display how a couple intends to live their life in relationship to family, culture, friends, spirituality, and success….[The wedding presents] an opporunity for the couple to start designing a blueprint and laying the foundation for the future cultural and religious framework of their new family.” (Joel Crohn)
Over a nice warm cup of your favorite beverage, consider more consciously what blueprint and foundation your wedding plans are presenting, especially your ceremony. Welcome your pride at how well you are doing. Invite your partner to look at it again with you if there is something there which isn’t you or isn’t the way you want to go. Spring also invites you to see the future cultural and religious framework of your new family as the garden you are planting, the seeds you are sowing. Even making one more intentional or conscious choice in that direction will affect not only your experience of your day, but your satisfaction with the life you are beginning together. Enjoy!
Happy Spring!
March 22nd, 2009
I celebrate all kinds of events, not only weddings. This was last year’s welcoming Spring ritual. The young girl and the Green Woman reminded us all of renewal of our own youthfulness and the renewing power of the earth.
As you prepare for your wedding, spend some time noticing the signs of Spring in the earth around you—and how you feel as you notice those changes. A couple just told me yesterday about the work they were doing on their landscaping last weekend when the temperatures were so inviting. The increased light and warmth just naturally leads us to such activities.
As you work on the plans and preparations for your wedding, see what happens if you consciously unite those activities with the signs of spring around you. What are the “seeds” that you are planting at this time? how are you nurturing the plans you have already begun? what needsmore light ?(guidance, attention), more water? (feelings, and flow); what ground have you already laid that you just need to let it be, trusting that it is growing and will manifest when the time is right?
Invite your partner to celebrate Spring with you with a special date, some time to enjoy the Spring air, share your feelings about how yourwedding plans are going, honor the youth of your relationship with memory-stories, poetry, songs; take a break from working and spend some of your favorite play time together. It’s the springtime of your marriage; enjoy!
Inaugural Post
March 13th, 2009It’s a beautiful March day here in Milwaukee–still a bit cold—but the sun is shining. I heard a red-winged blackbird for the first time yesterday, and the initial adjustment to daylight savings time is kicking in. All in all, a lovely day.
Not as lovely, though, as your wedding day will be–no doubt about it. I have begun this blog to create a space for those of you who are planning your wedding (especially your ceremony), to take a deep breath amidst all your preparations, go inside, and remember what all of the details and decisions about who, what ,where, and why are about.
You have found someone you love enough to marry–no small thing! You want to tell the world (or at least, as many friends and relatives as you can invite)! You want to celebrate with new clothes, favorite colors, good food and drink, music, dancing. No matter how simple and small or ornate and large your venue or guest list or agenda for the day, your wedding day is one of the most important days in your life, and it will be LOVEly, no matter the weather, or unexpected glitches, or unpredictable relatives or friends. It will be LOVEly if you stay focused on the heart of the day: your love—your celebration of what ee cummings declared: “we’re wonderful one times one!”
In this blog, I will share with you tips for thinking about your ceremony and your marriage, and links to others’ wisdom, as well as receiving your comments and wisdom to share with others. I’ve invited the brides and grooms with whom I’ve worked in the past to offer their memorable experiences , and will include some perspectives from my Celebrant colleagues, over 400 strong in the US (and even more “down under”), as well as some other wedding professionals in the Milwaukee chapter of the National Association of Wedding Professionals.
Please submit your suggestions for topics either through my Contact Me page or comments here.
Keep enjoying your thoughts and dreams about your LOVEly day –and today create a special moment sharing a thank you with your bride-or-groom-to-be ; you are giving an incredible gift in giving yourselves to each other.